OBAMA ANNOUNCES PRIORITIES OF WHICH COUNTRIES AMERICA WILL BOMB IN WAR ON TERROR

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – President Obama announced today that after serious review of his strategy to combat ISIL, he has re-prioritized the order of which countries the United States will bomb to protect American interests.  “We originally thought that it was best to combat the war on terror by bombing ISIL in Syria, but realized that Syria should really be 35^th on our list of countries to bomb,” Obama said, “So to more efficiently combat this war on terror, we will shift to the targets on the list I have just approved.”

The new bombing list, in order or which countries will be bombed is as follows:

Venezuela

Saudi Arabia

Canada

Iran

Iraq

Kuwait

United Arab Emirates

Russia

Libya

Nigeria

Kazakhstan

When told that this list had nothing to do with terrorism, but was a list in order of the countries that have more oil reserves than the United States, Obama reiterated that the new bombing order had everything to do with the war on terror.  “And, I don’t just mean the terror faced by American drivers who could pull up to empty pumps at gas stations,” Obama said, “but the sheer terror of the patriotic oil companies whose profits might be compromised by not having full control over those oil reserves.”