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Sunday, January 08, 2012

by R J Shulman

MANCHESTER, New Hampshire – (PTSD News Service) – In an effort to clarify his controversial position that African Americans should demand pay checks and not food stamps, Newt Gingrich said he favors having “whites only” food stamps because it would force blacks to have to find work.  “Blacks have a history of relying on the government or a master to provide for them and taking away food stamps would force them to break the legacy of slavery,” Gingrich said.  “Besides it would bring down the unemployment rate and provide an example for lazy people everywhere to get up and get a job.  Further, if I am elected president, I would eliminate the minimum wage which hampers the job creators from hiring more of those people.”

Rich Perry entered the fray by saying he would advocate “diet food stamps” to reduce the level of obesity among black people, but retracted his statement after he learned that you don’t eat food stamps.

Front runner Mitt Romney said that he was in favor of food stamps until he learned the Tea Party was against them. “I might change my mind and be in favor of food stamps again,” Romney said “if you are allowed to buy guns with them.”

Ron Paul said that printing food stamps was too expensive and that according to the Constitution, the government shouldn’t be issuing foods stamps, but that citizens should print their own food stamps.

Rick Santorum said that if God wanted people to have food stamps, He would have made sure they were born with them. 


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