BUSH RESPONSIBLE FOR DEATH OF KIM JONG IL

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – Republican presidential candidates and conservative commentators alike have reacted to the news of the death of North Korean leader Kim Jong Il with a nearly unanimous voice – the credit for the demise of the ruthless dictator must go to George W. Bush.  “Without a doubt, Kim Jong Il would still be alive today if it wasn’t for Bush’s hard line against evils such as Communism, flag burning and illegal drug use,” said talk show host Rush Limbaugh, “and all this despite the hypocritical socialist Muslim who is now occupying the White House.”   Sean Hannity echoed the sentiment by saying, “If it wasn’t for all of the enhanced interrogation under Bush, America wouldn’t even know that Kim Jong Il was dead.”

At a rally at a fluff and fold in Madbury, New Hampshire, Mitt Romney said, “First I wanted Kim Jong Il dead or alive, then I wanted him dead, then alive and then dead, so you can see I’ve stood strong on this issue.”  Newt Gingrich said that he has turned over a new leaf to be a kinder, gentler person and as such he would not say anything ill of the dead and instead  praised the late dictator saying, “Kim Jong Il really knew how to put children to work.”  Michele Bachmann said, “The success of Bush’s plan to rid the world of the Kim Jong fellow has opened up the Tundra for us to get oil.” 

But not every GOP hopeful had unwavering praise for Bush.  Rick Perry said, “I can appreciate that Bush got Kim Jong the Second, but now we are left with a younger, fatter version with his son Kim Jong…er…its hard to remember a name when it had three parts  Wait, I know, it’s Kim Jong Oops.”  Even though his campaign has been suspended, Herman Cain told reporters, “I deny having a thirteen year affair with Kim Jong Il and any other dictators who may come out in the future and make claims that I had made inappropriate sexual advances toward them is going to be full of lies that are untrue falsehoods which are far from the truth.”

Former President Bush said, “Well I guess the commander guy decider will have to buy a new belt because I’ve run out of notchicating my belt with Saddam, Bin Laden, and Kay-daffy, heh, heh.”