1% ERS HIRE PUBLIC RELATIONS FIRMS TO FIGHT BACK AGAINST 99%ERS
by R J Shulman

NEW YORK – (PTSD News Service) – After months of bashing by Occupy Wall Street, or the 99%ers as they are sometimes called, the top earning 1% have come out swinging by hiring the top ten public relations firms to improve their image and turn the table on the protestors who have given bankers, investors the ultra rich a bad name.  According to a well placed source, the 1%ers have also paid off the rest of the major public relations firms not to do any work for 99%ers, moveon.org or George Soros. 

“That gang of lazy jobless malcontents occupying this and protesting have been trying to brand the job creators and successful people as being greedy, as if that was bad,” said Milton J. Finster of Edelman, the top independent PR firm. “There is clearly nothing wrong for a person to use hard earned money from investments and inheritance to better their position.”  

“If those jealous thugs occupying public parks would put their nose to the grindstone instead of all that public defecating, they too could buy a congressman or too or even a Supreme Court justice,” said Hammond Newman, a senior executive at APCO Worldwide, a Washington DC public relations giant.

The new conglomerate, known as, “We’re Number One” has already completed its first project. The first barrage of the media blitz by the 1%ers includes the feature films, “Erin Brokovitch Rhymes With Bitch, “Die Michael Moore, Die” and “It’s Wonderful Life II: The Revenge of Mr. Potter” in 3-D, as well as music videos, “Who Let The Jags Out,” “How Many Yachts You Got?” and the Koch Brothers doing a heart-warming version of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way.”

Preston Spyglub of Ruder Finn, a New York firm, announced the 1%er’s new slogan, “The rich aren’t dirty.  It’s the 99%ers who need to take a bath or another one,” Spyglub said the phrase “or another one” is not actually in the ads, but used it “because the rich laugh every time I say that.”