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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Sunday, January 22, 2012


by R J Shulman

TALLAHASSEE, Florida – (PTSD News Service) – Sunshine may no longer be free in the Sunshine State if Republican lawmakers get their way.  Proposed Committee Bill 7710 introduced Friday by the GOP controlled legislature proposes to prevent “the wholesale theft by freeloaders of the state most precious resource, the sun.”

The bill proposes that the rights to the sun be privatized, sold to certain companies on no-bid contracts with a small royalty going to the State to offset a separate GOP bill that proposes to reduce state tax rate on those earning over $500,000 a year to a little less than 1%.  The sunshine bill was proposed by the Senate rules committee, so the bill’s sponsor can remain secret.   The bill has received great support from Exxon-Mobil, BP and Koch Industries.  “We have long been criticized by those who hate capitalism, democracy and freedom for supporting unrenewable fossil fuels,” said Rex Tillerson, CEO of  Exxon, “but when this bill becomes law, we will be able to begin to seriously develop the solar energy that people are crying out for.”

This bill will have several beneficial side effects,” said a GOP Senator who wished to remain anonymous, “charging a fee for being out in the sun will discourage any more Jews from New York to move down here as those people prefer to get things wholesale or for free.”   The spokesperson said that the new law also contains a provision that being eligible to by sunshine will be limited to whites only.  “This bill is not racist as African-Americans can still get their day in the sun in exchange for performing a few simple tasks like cleaning mansions, picking cotton and other odd jobs around the plantations.”

Governor Rick Scott says he can’t wait to sign the bill as soon as it reaches his desk saying the new law would be like a ray of sunshine compared to the darkness of socialism.  However, an effort to privatize the Florida prison system last year ran into a roadblock from the Florida Supreme Court who held that law as being unconstitutional.  “We feel confident that we can withstand any constitutional challenge,” said Sheb Webber an attorney for Reach for the Sun, a foundation that supports the new legislation, “as only life, liberty and happiness are protected in the Constitution.  I don’t see anything about having a right to steal sunrays from those that have worked hard to secure the rights to it.”


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