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Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch

The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Saturday, January 09, 2010

UPSET AT THEIR MAJORITY, DEMS START RESIGNING
by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Like Richard Farina's novel, Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up to Me, the Democrats have been in the minority so long, they can't relate to being the majority party and have certainly not acted like one. First, newly elected Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi tired to flex her muscles by taking impeachment off of the table, impeachment of the minority party's highly unpopular President Bush, who was clearly involved in questionable activities.

Democratic behavior became more erratic when they swept the House, the Senate and the presidency. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid immediately began begging the minority Republicans to play with him, like they were absentee fathers who never took the time to throw him a baseball. The Dems even rolled over on health care reform, an issue they had claimed was their number one project.

But that was apparently not enough. The new Democratic strategy is for certain key party members to refuse to run for re-election. Senator Dodd of Connecticut said he will not seek another term. "I leave the Nutmeg State in the capable hands of our beloved Senator Lieberman," Dodd told reporters, "who is a much better man than I at supporting our all important insurance industry." In a similar move, North Dakota's Byron Dorgan announced his retirement from the Senate. "Being in the majority has been too much pressure for me," Dorgan said It's much easier to complain that nothing is getting done than to be responsible for getting something done."

Democratic Governor Bill Ritter of Colorado said he would not seek a new term. "I am resigning from seeking public office to be more like my idol, Sarah Palin," Ritter said. "I plan to write a self-serving book assailing my enemies, talk up a storm on topics on which I do not possess any knowledge and have fun winking at the camera."

"These resignations are just the tip of the iceberg," said Stewart Helmsly of the Praeger Institute of Bethesda, Maryland. "The Democrats would rather be liked than feared, so they're leaving before the Republican's fake outrage becomes real."

Newly Democratic Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania said, "Darn it to Hanover. To think I just switched parties."

President Obama, who has so far unsuccessfully sought bipartisanship support just announced that he will join the Republican Party while still remaining a Democrat. The president said, "people keep telling me you can't belong to the two parties at the same time, but I said, 'Yes, I can.'" Upon hearing Obama would be half Republican, Rush Limbaugh said, "Now I only wish half of him to fail." Michael Weiner, better know to his rabid radio fans as Michael Savage said, "I'm betting it was the white half of this America hating foreign born terrorist that switched to the GOP."

"What is scaring the families of Democratic politicians the most is not the shaky economy or exploding Muslim underpants at 30,000 feet," Helmsly said, "but that their spouses will quit to spend more time with their them."

When asked if the self imposed exile of the Democratic party could open the door for a stronger third party, Green Party's Gabe Prescott said, "Third party... heck we would be the second party."


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