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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

by R J Shulman

BETHLEHEM, Pennsylvania - (PTSD News) - Ronald J. Hosea, who has dedicated his life to tracking whether Jesus receives worthy birthday gifts on his birthday said this year like so many others were certainly not what the son of God would want for his special day. "The Price of Peace would be very unhappy to get the gift of a surge of troops in the Afghan war, continued fighting between the Israelis and the Palestinians, a passenger trying to blow up a jet plane on his birthday, not to mention the continued dire situation in Darfur," Hosea said. Hosea founded the Bearing Gifts Foundation in 1968 after the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"In addition, Jesus threw the money changers out of the temple and spent his life teaching about helping those less fortunate, yet the American Congress had not only protected, but rewarded the money changers on Wall Street whose greed had devastated the middle and lower income classes and Congress made certain to protect the bonuses of the ultra wealthy health care moguls, while providing no real relief to the sick and the poor who are in dire need of medical help."

Hosea got got support from an unlikely source, Fred Phelps, the controversial pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church. Phelps said, "The baby Jesus is so very unhappy on his birthday because he did not get what he wanted. And we all know what he wanted most was that all homosexuals die horrible deaths and that obviously hasn't happened because there are still way too many hair salons and Cher has not been drummed out of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame." Former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich agreed, "Jesus would be horrified that America is headed toward socialized medicine, socialized government jobs, and that liberals want to punish the very ones who baby Jesus has honored with wealth."

"While encouraged perhaps by Gingrich's words, not every rich person is convinced they are the favored ones," said Hosea, "A group of the worlds richest men and women have recently funded the Eye of the Needle Project, in which they are trying to find a easy way to get a camel through the eye of a needle, to thus ensure their easy access to heaven as told in Matthew 19:24."

"I think the only time Jesus got appropriate birthday presents was when he got those wonderful gifts from the original three wise men," Hosea said.

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