DEMS, GOP COMPROMISE ON HEALTH CARE: DON'T GET SICK, BUT IF YOU DO, DIE QUICKLY
by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - After months of bickering and finger pointing, the Democrats and Republicans announced a compromise on health care reform they could both live with. "The Democrats want Americans to be well to get credit for reform and the GOP wants to save on costs and preserve health care industry profits, which makes this a win-win situation," said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.

"In this tight economy we can't have people be so irresponsible they get themselves sick," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, "so punishing them with a fine if they get sick will be a good incentive for people to choose the right behavior." The Republicans have responded well to the call for people who get sick to die quickly as it saves money on treatment and preserves health insurance CEO bonuses.

Senator Joe Lieberman of Connecticut, who strongly opposed any public option or reducing the entry age for Medicare, embraced this new compromise. "My wife Hadassah and I agreed this is a good way to keep her job as an insurance company lobbyist and for me to get those all important campaign funds."

"This is a change I can believe in," said President Obama, "Now I can move on to other pressing issues, like how to get another peace prize for escalating the war." Sarah Palin said she was glad that the bill does not put an end to the practice of denying coverage for pre-existing conditions. "I'm OK with this, unless of course, someone claims the pre-existing condition is more than 6000 years old."

"Even though I hate this bill that in no way improves health care," said outspoken Representative Alan Grayson (D-Fla), "at least there has been an improvement in these hypocritical politicians level of honesty."

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