KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD CALLS FOR TEXTBOOK REVISION
by R J Shulman

TOPEKA, Kansas - (PTSD News) - By an nine to one margin, the Kansas State Board of Education voted to require all history books be revised before they are allowed in the classroom. "The textbooks that have been forced on us by the big left wing publishers from New York just don't reflect the the kind of truth we want our children to be exposed to," said Mildred Hockney of Independence, Kansas. "They've taken God out of our schools, so we revised the books to present facts in the way Jesus would have done," said Wayne Garvey of Overland Park.

Here are some of the new facts that will be mandatory for all history textbooks for Kansas public schools:

There was no history before 6000 B.C.

The Chinese did not invent the gunpowder, John Wayne did.

Homosexuals ruined all those big fat ancient Greek marriages.

Washington was not the father of our country, Reagan was.

The first Ten Amendments to the Constitution will be replaced with the Ten Commandments.

To be more fair and balanced, less will be written about Jefferson and Madison to make room for discussions about Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh.

FDR was a Communist, as he sided with the Russians in World War II.

The United States won the war in Vietnam but American hating liberals in the press never reported the truth and then encouraged the hippies to ruin America.

Woodstock and the moon landing were both a hoax.

Acorn committed voter fraud assuring that Obama would be the first gun-grabbing foreign-born Muslim to live in the White House despite Sarah Palin getting more votes.

Brownie really was doing a heck a job in New Orleans after Katrina hit, but the liberal press, who hated Bush wanted to bring him down by making a big deal of all of those looters drowning.

The US is number one in health care.

Global Warming is a hoax perpetrated by Al Gore and scientists who are jealous of the bonuses earned by oil company CEO's.

The theory of evolution is just a theory, while intelligent design is proven every day by all the wonders you see in nature.

"The Kansas School Board is right about one thing," said Wilbur Johnston of Liberal, Kansas who was the one dissenting vote, "evolution has not yet come to Kansas."

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