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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Republican leaders condemned Democrats for pushing through a health care bill, despite the GOP's unified effort to block passage in the Senate. "Those Democrats simply want to stop us from stopping passage of any legislation Obama might sign," said Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele, "and the most disturbing thing is they are sabotaging our obstruction for purely political reasons."

"The Democrats simply hate the Republicans," said talk show host Glenn Beck, "so it's no wonder they've have viciously attacked our two most fundamental core belief systems, creationism and obstructionism."

"The only way the Democrats could get this monstrosity through the Senate was to make shameless bribes," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. "Of course, when we Republicans do it to pass our bills, it's simply an exercise of the free market."

Even with a majority in the Senate, Democrats were unable to agree on a health care bill, until now. "We sort of had to take all of the health care out of the bill," said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, "besides the legislation is already over 2000 pages, so pulling out all the health care reform material helped to make the bill more concise."

On the contrary, the Republicans, from day one of the Obama presidency have voted in unison to block passage of any bills. "Legislation is like an illegal drug, and we just say no," said Arizona Senator Jon Kyl. "and if the country goes to hell and we get criticized for stopping needed legislation, our defense will be that we were just following orders. We might even use German accents for old time's sake when we say those words."

"The reason we were able to get this compromise passed is while two wrongs don't make a rights, three lefts make a right," said President Obama. Once we got three lefties, Sherrod Brown, Bernie Sanders, and Chris Dodd to agree, it equaled a right."

William W. McGuire, CEO of UnitedHealth Group said he didn't care about fights between Republican and Democrats as to who the real obstructionists are as long as the final outcome doesn't obstruct his salary, perks or bonuses.

"It's ironic that a government that's all stopped up and can't let anything to pass through," said former Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean, "has just laid a major dump on the American people."

"We are so proud that Congress and President Obama by their actions show they understand they are supposed to serve the public," said former Presidents Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush in a written statement. "And what is so pleasing is that they've not forgotten the words of the founding fathers that this is a government above the people, by-pass the people and fought the people."

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