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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Monday, January 04, 2010

by R J Shulman

GRAYSON, New Mexico - (PTSD News) - Every year at this time, the crack staff of the Post Times Sun Dispatch makes its predictions for the coming year. For 2009, PTSD was 89% accurate, (South Carolina did not officially secede from the union and former President George W. Bush did not actually finish The Pet Goat.

So hang onto whatever you need to hang onto, here are PTSD's predictions for 2010:

1. Republicans blame Obama for Original Sin.

2. Tiger Woods embraces Christianity and runs for governor of Florida as a family values Republican.

3. Sarah Palin quits in the middle of writing her second book, Going Rouge on Going Rouge, quits her new TV show, Pallin' Around with Palin, quits quitting smoking and quits Quitters Anonymous.

4. Rush Limbaugh's chest pains are finally diagnosed as indigestion caused by eating all those poor people.

5. To achieve bipartisanship, President Obama officially joins the Republican Party

6. New Senate rules allow members to keep seats while lobbying for large corporations - actually this is discovered to be an old rule.

7. China sends millions of tons of rice to starving unemployed Detroit auto workers.

8. Dick Cheney's secret bunker is found when construction workers accidentally blow a hole in the gates of Hell.

9. US TV hits an all time low when the Bravo Network hires former President George W. Bush to host, "America's Next Top Serial Killer, heh-heh."

10. Tea Partiers finally realize who has really been screwing them and throw Glenn Beck into Boston Harbor.

11. The final version of the health care reform bill, universally hailed by insurance companies is officially called, "The Money or Your Life Act."

12. Bill O' Reilly is seriously injured by Christmas tree prop which falls on him while he is filming a segment about the War on Christmas.

13. While reading a novella by Franz Kafka, Michael Weiner, better known to his rabid followers as Michael Savage, turns into a giant cockroach, however no one notices any difference.

14. The Bill of Rights is amended to include CEO bonuses as an inalienable right.

15. Michael Jackson is reported as still being dead, sparking two new movies and three TV specials.

16. Congress takes action against a greater threat to America than al Qaeda - labor unions.

17. Angelina Jolie adopts her millionth baby.

18. Banks spend so much money lobbying congress to stop bank regulations, that they need another bail out.

19. Republicans block every bill in Congress and blame Democrats as a do-nothing congress, Senator Harry Reid agrees.

20. There is such global disgust over everything, that most people call for the end of the world to be moved up two years from 2012 to 2010.

Make sure to revisit PTSD at the end of this year to see if we have once again are the most accurate news organization when it comes to predicting the future.

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