OZZY OSBOURNE COMPLAINS ABOUT THE WAR ON SATAN
by R J Shulman

BIRMINGHAM, UK - (PTSD News) - Rock legend Ozzy Osbourne's newest mission is to bring to light the plight of someone who has, according to him, been unfairly attacked. "We hear that chap Bill O'Reilly on Fox blither on about some war on Christmas, but the real nasty piece of business is the war on Satan."

"You can buy all kinds of Christmas cards, Osbourne said, "but you never see one saying Happy Beelzebub's Day. And if you think they took God out of the American public schools," Osbourne said, "just see what would happen if a kid tried to worship Satan by lighting candles and reciting the Lords Prayer backwards." Osbourne also pointed out that children are indoctrinated from an early age that heaven is good and hell is bad. "No one has come back from heaven to prove it's all it's cracked up to be," Osbourne said, "but I've been to hell and back and can tell you it's not all that different than it is here, mate."

"Mr. Osbourne has a point," said Worely Grimlock, a Harvard Law professor. "The Constitution says noting about banning the worship of the Devil from government buildings." "How hypocritical is it," said Goddard St. Lucas of the Backwards Bible Society, "that we put In God We Trust on our money when everyone knows the financial world is ruled by the Devil."

"There is all this talk about peace in Congress," said Bernie Sanders (I-Vt), "but we keep finding new wars to get involved in. Honestly, we should create an official position for a Secretary of Darkness," Sanders said, "Although I think we had an unofficial one in Dick Cheney."

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