SOCIALISM REARS ITS UGLY HEAD IN NORTH DAKOTA FLOOD CRISIS
By R J Shulman
FARGO, North Dakota (PTSD News) Thousands of normally good capitalistic American citizens in and around Fargo, North Dakota turned socialist under the threat of the swollen Red River which finally crested at 41 feet. “Instead of taking care of their own responsibilities and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps,” said talk show host Glenn Beck, “these weak-minded people were frightened into helping each other out, sometimes in cahoots with government officials.”

It’s no accident these people were attacked by the Red River as everyone knows commies are red,” said Karl Sloane of Moorhead, Minnesota. “This rampant sand-bagging that went on here is symbolic of just how them pinkos withhold information, like their plans to take over the USA,” said Willis Reardon of North Fargo who refused to help with the sandbagging efforts. “Just because these people may have saved my house doesn’t mean I have to like them.”

“Using tax dollars to fight the flood is just the first step of this creeping socialism,” said Bill O’Reilly. “The next thing you know we are stuck with socialized medicine. And with all this talk about dykes stopping the flooding, you know there were some serious communist lesbians involved.”

“This is a conspiracy of the worst kind,” said Carlton Hammond of the Heritage Foundation, “After this is over, we are going to have to send in some right thinking counselors and shrinks to work with the victims so they will remember that people are not supposed to help each other, and that government is not here to bail out basements, only corporations like AIG that are too big to fail.”

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