MADONNA SHORTS OUT THE AMBER ALERT SYSTEM
By R J Shulman
ALEXANDRIA, Virginia (PTSD News) Officials at the Justice Department have told the Post Times Sun Dispatch that the Amber Alert program has been so inundated with reports of missing children, that its main computer systems have suffered a near meltdown. “We traced the problem of the extraordinary number of Amber Alert missing children squarely to Madonna,” said Clark Waverly, a Justice Department official. “Angelina Jolie put a strain on the system, but it was no match for all those children Madonna has stolen for ‘adoption.’”

When contacted about her seemingly endless child adoptions, Madonna said, “Mine, mine, mine!” “You better lock all your windows and doors,” said Dion Wilson of High Point, North Carolina, whose missing three year old daughter, Brennie was located in Madonna’s Hollywood mansion, “’cause that practically naked lady will steal your kid, too.” “These days when a child goes missing,” said Sergeant Ed Barton of Waxahachie, Washington, “the first person we check out is that Material girl, if you catch my drift.”

“The reason we break to pieces,” said Jesus Luz, Madonna’s 22 year old Brazilian ex-boyfriend, “is that she as crazy as a mad hen taking all the other chickens’ eggs to sit on.” “We are happy that Madonna wants to adopt children,” said Millicent Ferguson of the National Adoption Organization, “but she should just chill a little and wait to go through the proper procedures to adopt a child like everybody else.”

Seth Baum of the Justice Department said the Amber Alert system should be back and running by Friday unless, “Madonna goes over the borderline and goes child crazy again.”

FOR THE IMPORTANT NEWS PTSD RECOMMENDS THAT YOU VISIT CITIZENS FOR LEGITIMATE GOVERNMENT AT http://www.legitgov.org/