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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Thursday, March 24, 2016


by R J Shulman

LAS VEGAS – (PTSD News Service) – The nastiness of the GOP presidential primary has spawned a new set of odds this year as Las Vegas odds makers are not only taking bets on who will win the Republican nomination, but on just what Donald Trump will reveal about rival Ted Cruz’ wife Heidi after he publicly threatened to “spill the beans” about her.

The following are the latest odds:

9/2 - Heidi will tell her Goldman Sachs clients to invest in gold if her husband is elected president, because he will tank the economy.

5/1 - When Ted Cruz told Trump to “leave Heidi the hell alone,” she secretly wished it was Ted who would leave her the hell alone.

11/2 - She’s a man, baby.

7/1 – She has proof that Ted is not an American citizen.

8/1 - Ted’s small hands do indeed indicate something else about him.

10/1 - God regularly talks to Heidi, telling her to convince her husband to get the hell out of politics.

12/1 - She has made donations to Bernie Sanders’ campaign.

15/1 - Ted’s children are not really his.

15/1 - Ted smells like a rancid llama.

20/1 - She has racy dreams about President Obama.

25/1 - She plans to convert to Islam.

30/1 - She mistakenly married Ted Cruz when she got so drunk she thought she was getting hitched to Tom Cruise.

100/1 - Donald Trump will literally spill the beans when he dumps a vat of garbanzos on Heidi’s head at the Republican convention in Cleveland in July.

So far, Las Vegas has indicated there is much more of a buzz about what Trump means when he says he will spill the beans about Mrs. Cruz than about who will win the GOP nomination.  “Frankly,” said one odds maker from Caesar’s Palace who wished to remain anonymous, “when it comes to who will run on the Republican side, most people’s interest doesn’t amount to a hill of beans.”  


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