ULTRA RICH ON TAX BREAKS: THIS TIME WE PROMISE TO CREATE JOBS

by R J Shulman

NEW YORK - (PTSD News) - Criticized by some Democrats for not creating jobs in the last ten years they have enjoyed record low tax rates, spokesman for the richest 1% of Americans say that this time they promise to create new jobs. "We shouldn't be judged on our past behavior of pocketing mounds of cash or investing it off shore," said H. William Porter, Jr., a Texas oil billionaire, "everybody deserves a second chance."

Talk show host Rush Limbaugh promised that he will personally create jobs with the nearly quarter million dollars he will get to keep, now that the Bush tax breaks for the rich got extended. "With this extra money, I intend to hire at least four minimum wage maids to help with the cleaning and picking up of packages from pharmacies and stuff like that."

Some of the rich dispute the notion that the lowest tax rates in history of the wealthy have not created jobs. "I single-handedly kept a yacht salesman in his job for two months after I upgraded last year," said Goffrey W. Pollard, heir to Pollard Farms of Plantation, Florida. Pollard accused Democrats of being impatient. "They need to understand that you must give the tax cuts time and I can guaranteed that some of this extra money we get to keep will trickle down eventually, just in time for a job to show up for their great-great- grandchildren and everybody knows great-great-grandchildren are the future."

"This unfair attack on the rich by all those jealous haters needs to end," said Paris Hilton. "Everybody like knows, I had to earn my money the hard good old-fashioned way. I had to wait and wait until some dumb-ass relative bit the dust."

"If the hypocritical liberals really wanted there to be more jobs," said Clayton Stanton, CEO of Chatham Investments, a Wall Street hedge fund investment firm, "they would put an end to the things that have really killed American jobs - having to pay a minimum wage, adhere to costly saftety and environmental rregulations, and the biggest enemy of all for young peoople to get jobs, the Marxist federal government's ban on child labor."