TRICKLE ME ELMO TOPS LIST OF CONSERVATIVE GIFTS

by R J Shulman

NEW YORK - (PTSD News) This year conservatives flocked to stores and clicked on line to purchase gifts that support their world view. While most conservatives shunned the Christmas tradition of giving gifts to others and bought these gifts for themselves, saying gift giving promotes sloth, they nontheless promised that some of these gifts would trickle down to those patient enought to wait for them. Hence the overwhelmingly popular first gift on the following list:

1. Trickle Me Elmo - Through tax breaks, favorable de-regulation of anti-trust, environemental and heath and saftey and banking laws, Elmo the CEO doll is able to gather massive amounts of wealth, which then will trickle down to the other less ambitious dolls. The beauty of this game is it lasts decades and decades before it is over.

2. Do Ask, Do Tell - Make the most of the waining moments of Don't Ask Don't Tell by using enhanced interrogation, including an actual operating waterboard to get toy soldiers you think are gay to confess so they can be dishonorably dischaged from the military, all before this traditional American military policy becomes history.

3. Desocialized Medicine - Thrill to being able to overturn the most henious law ever enacted in the history of mankind, Obamacare. Get excited as you are able to once again deny a person health care because they have a pre-existing condition like being a victim of domestic abuse or because once they sounded like they breathed funny. Wet your pants as you throw a family off health care coverage they got because of help from Obamacare and convulse in ectasy as the numbers add up of the Americans who die because they now can't get medical care.

4. Drill Babay Drill - From the makers of the Easy Bake Oven, this is not just a toy, but an actual drill and rig. Drill for oil anywhere whether its your backyard, offshore or Harry Reid's head. All without any pesky government restrictions.

5. Born Unfree - A game that lets you print actual birth certificates of Barack Obama from any country you choose in Africa. Send in your creation and have it plastered all over the screen on Fox News. Winner gets to run for national office in 2012.

6. Tea Party Extravaganza - While not actually tea, this slection of exciting flavors of Kool-Aid is to be drunk while watching Fox News. Here you can drink in ignorance and continue to pretend that your philosophy of American Values would have placed you on the right side of history, and was not really identical to those of the Royalists at the time of the revolution, slave owners of the Southern Red states at the time of the Civil War, those that supported segregation, those who were opposed to women's sufferage, and thought that work safety, fair wages and the end to child labor, and equal opportunity are a Communist plot.