COUNT DOWN OF BIGGEST STORIES OF 2011

by R J Shulman

(PTSD - News Service) - No that year is not a misprint. While other media outlets are rehashing the stories of the past year, the fact still remains that the past is the past and is yesterday's news. As a yearly service, the Post Times Sun Dispatch enlists the talents of Horatio O. Del Geddes, a direct descendant of Nostradamus, to predict the top stories of the year to come. Del Geddes has an amazing 97% accuracy rate and as he says will be a complete certainty unless enough people take positive acts to stop these events.

By month, here are the biggest stories of 2011:

JANUARY

NEW HOUSE CONVENES -OBAMA IMPEACHED ON 1776 DIFFERENT GROUNDS -including lying about birth certificate; death panels; his bad Christian Pastor Muslim beliefs; assassinating JFK and aiding the British during the Revolutionary War

FEBRUARY

BUSH APPOINTED JUDGE DECLARES MINIMUM WAGE UNCONSTITUTIONAL - This has little effect as most American jobs already in China

MARCH

NEW HOUSE OF UNAMERICAN ACTIVITIES FORMED TO INVESTIGATE LIBERALS - Hollywood, all institutions of higher learning except Bob Jones University, Liberty University and BYU are closed down - Reputation of Senator Joe McCarthy restored

APRIL

CONGRESS VOTES FDR OFF THE DIME; REPLACED BY RONALD REAGAN - Not much effect as most Americans had already spent their last dime

MAY

BUSH APPOINTED JUDGE DECLARES CHILD LABOR LAWS UNCONSITUTIONAL - School test results improve as lower performing students hit the fields and service industries

JUNE

SOCIAL SECURITY FUNDS NOT ALREADY RAIDED GIVEN TO WALL STREET TO STOP THEIR COLLAPSE FROM YET ANOTHER ROUND OF THEIR BAD INVESTMENTS - Last minute law suits by CEOs who would have not have gotten their bonuses avoided

JULY

ALL MEDIA MUST HAVE STORIES PRE-APPROVED BY PANEL OF LIMBAUGH, BECK, PALIN AND CHENEY - Discrepancy between Fox News and other news outlets finally ends

AUGUST

BUSH APPOINTED JUDGE DELCARS SOUTH ACTUALLY WON CIVIL WAR, SLAVERY REINSTATED -children in the fields and service industries flock to cities to beg after being replaced by slaves

SEPTEMBER

DANCERS WHO OUSTED BRISTOL PALIN FROM WINNING DANCING WITH THE STARS EXECUTED - Invesigation into those that may have voted against Brisol Palin sends thousands to new federal prisons

OCTOBER

IN ONE FINAL COMPROMISE, OBAMA FORCES BIDEN TO RESIGN AND TAPS SARAH PALIN AS VP, THEN RESIGNS HIMSELF - Obama says it was the best deal he could make to keep the bipartrisan spirit alive - GOP says they still hate him

NOVEMBER

PALIN DECLARED PRESIDENT FOR LIFE - First female president says, "finally a job I don't have to quit"

DECEMBER

ONE YEAR EARLIER THAN PREDICTED BY MAYAN CALENDAR, WORLD ENDS

While this outlook may lean toward the bleak side, Del Geddes say his predicitons can change, but only if enough Americans wake up and take part it making sure they don' t happen.