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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - A secret Republican Party memo has surfaced describing the true GOP strategy if they're victorious in the mid-term elections. The memo was inadvertently sent from RNC Chairman Michael Steele's office. "We were planning to issue a buletin defending the general incompetence in Mr. Steele's office when we accidentally attached the wrong memo," said an unnamed RNC spokesman.

The secret memo, entitled Drown it in a Bathtub, alluding to Repubican stategist Grover Norquist's comment about making government so small it could be finished off in a tub of water, said the real enemy was government regulations of multi-national corporations. "In order to get the boot heel of government oppression off the necks of our wealthy business collegues," the memo stated,"we have to make government as ineffective as possible."

The memo presented three steps for meeting Republican objectives:

1) Saying government is incompetent compared to the private sector and then appoint the biggest losers from the private sector to government positions

2) Steal money from the Social Security and Medicare to fund wars to make our cronies rich and then claim Social Security and Medicare are so underfunded they must be privitized to our other cronies on Wall Street

3) Water down government regulations so much that when there is a disaster caused by lack of government oversight, blame the government for not protecting Americans

The memo warned it would take slight of hand tactics to fool working Americans into voting for Republicans who don't have their interests at heart. "The way to distract the American middle class to vote for our anti-middle class agenda," the memo said, "is to have our friends in the media pound out the following lies until they become the truth:

1) A Kenyan born Negro has illegally taken over the White House to spread Communist Nazism and enslave the white race;

2) Illegal Mexicans, spurred on by Democrats who want their votes, are pouring over the border to kill ranchers, breed like rabbits to make their children American citizens and over tax the welfare roles

3) Democrats want to illegally abolish the death penalty and instead build a 103 story mosque at ground zero

4) Obama will send his Obama Hitler Youth to their house to confiscate their bibles, guns and worst of all, beer.

5) Democrats will make illegal gay marriages legal and make heterosexual marriages illegal, forcing everyone to turn gay if they want to enjoy the legal benefits of marriage

"Ronald Reagan said the most frigthening nine words in the English langauge is the phrase, I'm from the government and I'm here to help," the memo said, "so when we take over we must make it job one to make the Great Communicator's words come true."


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