GAY MARRIAGE BAN OVERTURNED; LEVI AND BRISTOL FIRST CASUALTIES

by R J Shulman

SAN FRANCISCO - (PTSD News) - Just moments after a federal judge placed a temporary stay on California's Proposition 8 law banning gay marriage was unconstitutional, Bristol Palin announced that it was official - she and Levi Johnston had broken up after making up after breaking up. "This is what I feared," said Bristol's mother Sarah Palin, "once the judge refutiated the will of the people by opening the closet door to gay marriage, it caused the heartbreaking breakup of my daughter leaving little Trig, I mean Tripp without a father." Palin denied she had a role in the failure of her daughter's relationship. "It's Godless California, you betcha," she said, "and I dare anyone to come up with just one for instance of where I have ever told anyone what they should do."

"This communist Nazi judge has taken away our democracy," said House Minority Leader John Boehner, "when people pass a law like this one or if they were to pass a law that Mexicans and gays should be shot on sight, who do these activist judges think they are to tell us we can put two bullets in a gay Mexican?"

"The divorce rate is already at 65%," said Sharron Angle, who is running for the Senate in Nevada, "now with gay marriage, that percentage will more than double."

Republicans in congress are especially worried the ban on Proposition 8 will become permanent. "If gay marriage in California starts up again," said one male Republican senator who wished to remain anonymous, "I may not be able to keep my hands off Hans, that delicious strapping page of mine." Former Senator Larry Craig said, "the judge's decision has me so nervous I can't keep my knees from shaking and my feet from tapping, especially when I am in public bathrooms."

Judge Vaughn Walker, who was appointed by President Reagan, wrote a 136 page opinion in which he held singling out gays and lesbians to deny them the civil benefits of marriage was contrary to the equal protection guaranteed by the Constitution. "I blame the Democrats for this judge," said Newt Gingrich, "even though President Reagan nominated Judge Walker, he did it to show bipartisanship and the Democrats had the duty to block his confirmation."

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