GOP TO BLACKS: WE MAY SYSTEMATICALLY BLOCK YOUR VOTES, BUT WE WILL PROTECT YOU FROM DEMOCRATIC RACIST COMMENTS
by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - The Republican Party announced today it will begin an all out effort to capture the black vote as it renews its attack on Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's comments about President Obama's "Negro dialect." "We want to show the brothers and sisters that we are the party of the big tent," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, "as long as those folks enter through the back of the tent."

Republicans will launch a campaign to show how racist Democrats get away with outrageous anti-African American comments, while the media condemns Republicans for little misunderstandings. "When Trent Lott said he thought the country would have been better off if Strom Thurmond had been elected president on the Segregationist ticket in 1948, he lost his job," said Republican Chairman Rush Limbaugh, "so how come Harry Reid didn't lose his for saying "Negro."

Other Republicans have complained blacks have been trained to blindly forgive Democrats while making Republicans pay dearly. "Just because those people may be ignorant crack smoking pimps and prostitutes, doesn't mean they should be ignorant of the unforgivable things Harry Reid said, "said House Minority Leader John Boehner.

Republicans complain the liberal media condemns them even when no harm was intended. "I thought the word macaca was a term of endearment for those darkies," said former Senator George Allen who lost his reelection bid, due in part to his comments describing an Indian man who attended one of his political rallies. "Could you believe all that fake outrage when I called those people 'uppity,'" said Lynn Westmoreland (R-SC). "I just meant it was good those people were trying to pull themselves out of the gutter with their own boot straps and yet those people were all over me like white on Uncle Ben's rice."

"We are going to show the coloreds how hypocritical the Democrats have been, palling around with them to get their support with no intention of helping them," said Senator John McCain. "So it's our job now to tell those people Republicans can be counted on to mean exactly what we say when we talk about them."

"As part of this effort, we are actively seeking African Americans to run for the House of Representatives on the GOP ticket," said Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele, "because we could certainly use more House Negroes."

Pollsters predict the GOP effort to bring African Americans into their fold will be successful . "I suspect the Republicans will easily be able to triple their share of the black vote," said Herman Kling of the Praeger Institute, "from one to three percent."

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