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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Thursday, September 24, 2009


by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Mighty oaks from tiny acorns grow. This couldn't be more true of the latest frenzy overtaking the nation's capital, the defunding of organiztions and people who have betrayed the public trust. When House Minority Leader John Boehner of Ohio declared the the passage of an amendment that took away funding from ACORN was a victory for taxpayers, little did anyone know that was just the tip of the iceberg.

Second to lose government money was Blackwater. "If ACORN got the ax for helping a woman avoid taxes for engaging in prostitution," said Representative Alan Grayson of Florida, "than Blackwater should certainly be black-balled for running a prostitution ring, not to mention killing innocent people in Iraq." Soon Halliburton, Lockheed Martin, Boeing, General Electric and Raytheon were also defunded due to massive irregularities. "The era of the six hundred dollar toilet seat has come to an end," said Representative Jerry Nadler of New York. "it's time we nailed those bastards, but not with a nine hundred dollar hammer, of course."

Bills have been introduced to stop all funding to banks, investment groups and insurance companies that were just recently bailed out. "There is so much corruption in those industries, they are surely the devil's favorite playground, said, Representative Ben Ray Lujan of New Mexico. In fact Lujan's bill requires those institutions to pay it all back with interest. Also on the chopping block are payments to the pharmaceutical companies. "We have got to stop Pfizer and the like who are really nothing more than bloated grotesque pushermen spiraling out of control," said California Representative Henry Waxman.

In addition, the government will no longer subsidize lithium pills for Glenn Beck or Oxycontin for Rush Limbaugh.

In fact, like the long ago lonley search of Diogenes for an honest man, the government has not been able to find one penny that was spent on a person or organization that was not corrupt. "I guess we have to shut the government down," said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. In a rare show of bipartisanship, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell agreed. "We better make sure the government is not shut down by incompetent government bureaucrats," said McConnell, "We need the federal shutdown done by the private sector as they have the experience to do this sort of thing, like what they did with Lehman Brothers."

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