GOV'T BUREAUCRATS ANGERED BY LACK OF PUBLIC OPTION IN BAUCUS BILL

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Hundreds of government employees and those that just can't wait to get federal jobs are angrily protesting the health care reform bill proposed by Senator Max Baucus because it does not have a public option. "I just couldn't wait to get between patients and their doctors," said Sadie Singleton, a career federal employee from Baltimore, "but if the Baucus bill passes, my dreams will be shattered."

"We are going to let the more competent free market continue to get between patients and their doctors," said Senator Baucus. "We know the free market works," Baucus said, "because if a patient is denied health care or dropped from their plan because they got sick, the patient can simply go to the competition, unless they have a preexisting condition, which of course they have, but why is that the fault of the insurance companies?"

Government workers who would not be able to take over health care are not the only ones upset by the Baucus bill. "I am so mad I want to take Baucus for a ride in my van," said Dr. Jack Kevorkian, "unlike Obama's health care plan, the Senator's bill does not call for any death panels and ruins my chances of being named Death Panel Czar."

Some doctors are also upset at the lack of a public option in the legislation. "If there was a government take over of health care, then I could blame all the time people have to wait in my office on that and not just on the way I run my business," said Dr. Sheldon Waite of Bend, Oregon.

"Health care would come to a halt in this country if there was government run socialized medicine," said Adrian Blume of the Drainbridge Institute, a Bethesda, Maryland conservative think tank, "Do you want an incompetent government burocracy rather than a well run private industry taking care of the two most important components of the health care system, collecting premiums and denying coverage to really sick people? I think not."

"This bill makes people be responsible for their own health," said Castor Brimley of HealthWatch, an organization that monitors health issues. "People will be less likely to engage in risky behavior like eating fried foods and going in the water right after they ate, if they knew they could not rely on a government handout to go to a doctor." "Health care should be about survival of the fitist, but don't take that to mean I believe in evolution," said former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.

Senator Baucus made many Republican compromises, yet not one GOP congressman has signed on to Baucus' bill. "I might think about it if the legislation privatized medicare and social security," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. "I'd think better about it if Obama would apologize to me for making me have to say you lie at his speech," said Representative Joe Wilson of South Carolina.

"We may have to use the nuclear option to get this passed," said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, "that is, we may have to get Obama to resign and disband the entire Democratic party to get some bipartisanship support."

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