OBAMA: I DIDN'T FIRE MY ENTIRE ADMINISTRATION, THEY ALL RESIGNED FOR SAYING BAD THINGS ABOUT REPUBLICANS

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - In the biggest mass resignation in history, every member of the Obama administration has resigned. Van Jones, the green jobs czar resigned because he wanted an investigation into a possible governmental role in 911 and on top of that called Republicans a bad name. "I didn't want to cause a distraction to the Obama Presidency," Jones said after being accused by conservatives that he dared question the possibility the government had allowed 911 to happen.

The President said he did not personally ask anyone to resign, but was grateful they did to preserve the chance for a bi-partisan compromise on health care reform. "When the staff asked me if I still had hope I could get Republican support for a meaningful reformation of health care even though they have said 'no' to everything and vowed to make me fail no matter what I did, I said 'yes I can.'"

"I questioned why we attacked Iraq when they had nothing to do with 911," said Obama chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, so I guess I have to quit as that could get Republican's mad." "I wanted to find out why the government performed illegal wire tapping under Bush/Cheney so I guess I'll have to resign to keep the Republicans from constantly demanding my resignation," said Attorney General Eric Holder. "I once told a friend I thought Dick Cheney seemed, you know, a little dark, so I am turning in my resignation for the good of the Obama presidency," said Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

As it turns out, not only did all of President Obama's administration either question Bush or say something negative about the GOP, but so has every Democrat and Independent American. "It will take some time to find anyone qualified who didn't express a negative thought about Bush or Republicans as even most Republicans have done so," said conservative pundit George Will who replaced Robert Gibbs as Obama's Press Secretary.

"This is a first step at fixing the big mess Obama has gotten us into," said conservative talk show host Glenn Beck, "and this should be a lesson to those communist, perverted liberal low life traitors in the Democrat party that they can't just willy-nilly call their opponents names, because only Republicans can do that."

Among the surprise resignations is that of Vice President Joe Biden who has been replaced by former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin who said, "As your new Vice President I can assure you that unlike 'say-anything' Biden, with me it won't be my mouth I'll be shooting off."

Sources close to the President say he may also resign because he had the audacity of being born black in such a racist country. In light of these recent developments, documentarian Ken Burns is going to correct his epic film on the Civil War to show that the South actually won.

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