TOWN HALL PROTESTS FORCE GOVERNMENT TO GET OUT OF HEALTH CARE ENTIRELY INCLUDING MEDICARE
by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Due to the ferocious opposition to government run health care, President Obama has not only abandoned the public option, but will push for an end to all government involvement in health care, including Medicare. "The people have spoken, shouted actually, that they want government out of health care," Obama told a cheering crowd in downtown Salt Lake City. "That Kenyan who is president finally got the message to keep the government hands off of my medicare," said Bud Wing, of Provo, Utah. "I just can't wait until it's run by CIGNA Heath Insurance."

"The grass roots effort we paid for has really paid off," said Fletcher Montclair III, a senior executive at UnitedHealthCare, "It's amazing how many people we along with Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck got to protest against their own best interests just to make sure no insurance CEO misses a single bonus."

"The president's abandonment of health care reform is a win-win situation for me," said talk show host and GOP Party Chairman Rush Limbaugh. "Not only does this mean Obama has failed, but it marks the end of his health care plan to cover illegal aliens who would be getting my supply of oxycontin which would be terrible unless, of course, it's an illegal alien fetching my supply of oxycontin."

The raucous town hall protests may have a further effect on what programs the government will terminate. Reliable sources close to the president say Obama may begin to "unsocialize" America by privatizing the military, the IRS, the Veterans Administration and Social Security. In fact, the unnamed source told the Post Times Sun Dispatch, that "Obama plans to disband congress and replace them with a board of directors of experienced leaders from the private sector because as we all know, the private sector can always run things better than the government can." The first board will consist of executives from GM, AIG, Lehman Brothers, Countrywide Mortgage and will be chaired by Bernie Madoff.

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