GOP TO INTRODUCE BILL TO CHANGE LABOR DAY TO CEO DAY

by Robert Shulman
WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - House Minority Leader John Boehner will introduce a bill to change the national Labor Day holiday to CEO Day. "We've been coddling lazy employees for far too long," Boehner said, "How crazy is it to have a day called Labor Day in which we pay those people for not working?"

The proposed legislation would require all employees to work a double shift for no pay while CEOs would get the day off and an automatic 20% bonus. "The clear message of this bill is for the otherwise unmotivated worker to aspire to reach high and become a CEO," Boehner said.

This bill is a travesty and should be buried somewhere deep," said James Hoffa, Jr., President of the Teamster's. "The Republicans are trying to set the labor movement back to the 1880s." "And what's wrong with that," Boehner responded. "We thought of calling it Cheap Labor Day to honor the corporations who know how to keep labor costs low, but it wouldn't give the incentive needed to get slacking workers to work hard to earn their way up to CEO," Boehner said.

House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi said that in the spirit of bipartisanship, she may support the bill. "Thank goodness, the CEO bill doesn't have a public option and besides," Pelosi said, "it would be more honest to honor CEOs as they were the ones who most benefited from our bail out money."

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