OBAMA TO TAP KIM JONG IL FOR SUPREME COURT
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – President Barack Obama made a surprise announcement today when he named North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il as his choice to be the successor to Supreme Court Justice David Souter who announced his retirement. “This pick kills two birds with one stone,” Obama said, “it brings much needed change to the Supreme Court and will make Kim Jong Il way too busy to continue with his ill advised nuclear testing program.”

Obama aides explained that Il will help balance out the extreme Christian dominated positions of Justices Scalia, Roberts and Alito. “If I have to read one more opinion that reeks of ‘what would Jesus do’, I’ll puke,” Obama told the Post Times Sun Dispatch, “so hearing ‘what would Kim Jong Il do’ will be a welcome relief.” “The President was not looking for a conventional pick for the new justice,” said Josh Kindly, an Obama aide, “so he didn’t want the usual one out of stodgy academia or one culled from the already overly politicized American courts.”

“My wife Michelle may make good on her promise to break her foot off in my posterior if I didn’t choose a woman for this position,” Obama said, “but she may just have to get in line behind all the Republicans who have been trying to kick me in that spot since day one.” Obama said the reason he chose Kim Jong Il is that he has the common touch as he “knows all about a bad economy, starving people out of work and yet be able to balance those problems with the need to continue long standing military spending.”

“I knew he would pick a Communist for the court,” said Republican House Minority leader John Boehner, “but I thought the commie would be from the Democrat party and not from North Korea.” Boehner said, “We must stop Kim Jong Il by any means necessary, even if we have to use the nuclear option, and I am not talking about a filibuster, I am talking about the nuclear option that Kim Jong Il knows about all too well.”

‘The American people voted for change,” said Presidential Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, “and believe me, this is change.”

Neither Kim Jong Il or his seventeen look-alikes were available for comment.


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