GOP GIRDS LOINS, PREPARES TO BATTLE SOTOMAYOR NOMINATION
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – Republicans are calling on their flock to oppose the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor, President Obama’s choice for the Supreme Court to fill the vacancy of the retiring David Souter. “We want someone that won’t be making new laws we don’t like,” said RNC Chairman, Michael Steele. “We don’t believe she will uphold our Constitutional freedom to shove our religious beliefs down everyone else’s throats, so its onward Christian soldiers to smite the Democrat enemy,” said former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee.

“We must realize just how dangerous this Sotomayor is,” said House Minority Leader John Boehner, “if she was on the bench in 2000 she would have voted against installing George W. Bush as president because she would have made a new law that would have required all votes to be counted before a winner is announced.”

“I want this nominee to fail,” said talk show host, and head of the GOP, Rush Limbaugh, “unless she has a sister who works as a domestic who could get me some more oxycontin.” “We must let the nomination come up for an up or down vote,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. “But wait, that was when it was a Bush nominee. Now we have to stop this one from getting to the floor for a vote even if we have to fake another anthrax attack.”

Fox News will air a special on the historic nomination of Sonia Sotomayor. “Our fair and balanced report will be called ‘Activist Sonia Sotomayor – just when will she take your guns away and give them to homosexuals who know you were against gay marriage,” said Neil Cavuto, who will host the program.

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