FRESH FROM CAL PROP 8 VICTORY, ANTI-HOMOSEXUAL GROUPS PLAN TO BAN GAY BREATHING
By R J Shulman
SACRAMENTO – (PTSD News) – The Anti Same Sex Education Society, better known as ASSES who successfully defended the California law banning gay marriage, announced today they will launch a new initiative to ban gay breathing. “If we allow gay people to breathe our air,” said Harold Sauer, spokesperson for ASSES, “they will ruin the institution of breathing for the rest of us. Traditionally, the air has been breathed by heterosexuals and we cannot support the assault of traditional values for the special interests of a few misfits.”

“We are tired of the homosexual agenda shoving the idea of special rights down our throats and up our posteriors again and again and again,” said William Redding, President of Gay Rights Undermine Decent and Good Ethics or GRUDGE, a conservative group that fought for Proposition 8. “If gays want to do some breathing, it should be something other than our air. Perhaps they should be allowed to breathe propane.”

“I am so afraid for my son,” said Midge Watson, a GRUDGE member from Odessa, Texas. “Right now he dreams of being captain of the football team, but if gays breathe his air, the next thing you know he could suddenly have the urge to buy a Cher CD and audition for ‘America’s Next Great Fashion Designer.’”

“Where will this end?” said talk show host Michael Savage. “First these gay vermin want to sniff the air, then it will be them sniffing fragrances and then glue.” “It is not a coincidence that Los Angeles, San Francisco and New York have some of the most polluted air as it is where all these gays live and breathe,” said Bill O’Reilly on Fox News.

The Mormon Church, which heavily supported the California ban on gay marriage initiative are not throwing their support toward the anti-gay breathing initiative. “We were interested in the marriage issue,’ said Ron Gelson, spokesperson for the Church of the Latter Day Saints. “Because if the laws were going to prevent us from marrying as many women as we want, then we sure weren’t going to let gays marry anybody.”

“If gays think that they are going to be allowed to breathe freely,” said talk show host Glenn Beck, “they’re going to have to hold their breath before we will allow that.”

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