SMELLING VICTORY IN CLASS WAR, GOP SINKS AUTO BAILOUT BILL
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – Sensing they are a near a complete victory in their war on the middle class, Republican lawmakers dashed the hopes of the big three auto makers by killing a bill that would have loaned them $14 billion. “It’s been a long and arduous campaign that started over thirty years ago when Ronald Reagan declared war on wages,” said Jack Dickinson of the Heritage Foundation, “but this latest strike, no pun intended, against the UAW should be the death knell of the unions. In the battle between the rich an poor, chalk on up for the fat walleteers.”

“We could never have achieved this victory without the strategic genius of General Limbaugh,” said Rex Tillerson, CEO of Exxon Mobil. “Rush was able to convince working class stiffs that they should side with the wealthy elite in the war against themselves.”

“With the auto industry in tatters and the unions virtually vanquished,” said Lee Scott, CEO of Wal-Mart, “there will be no one to stop us from overthrowing the tyranny of the 40 hour work week, the yolk of providing a safe work place and the scourge of providing health care and pensions. We should be able to bring back child labor which is a win-win situation. Employers can save on wages and the young people will be so busy working that they cannot join gangs and take drugs.”

“These hollow demands of a living wage are just more of that commie pinko America hating liberal propaganda that tries to strip CEO’s of their hard earned bonuses and billion dollar pay-outs,” said Mitch McConnell, who helped defeat the loan package.

While the bill failed in the Senate, all hope may not be lost, as the Bush administration is contemplating loaning the automakers from the $700 billion slated to be given to banks and wall street investors. “I might put food on the auto guys families,” Bush said, “but first they have to stop selling them big cars with them bumper stickers that show a pitcher of me saying ‘worst president ever.”

Vice President Dick Cheney, who has been a strong supporter of funding for the Iraq war, said he was pleased that Congress had said no to the automakers. “We can’t just throw money at losing causes.” Cheney concluded by saying, “The middle class is in its final throes.”