INVESTMENT BANK CEO’S TO BUY AUTO CEO’S PRIVATE JETS
By R J Shulman
DETROIT – (PTSD News) – The three big automakers announced that they have sold their executive private jets to Wall Street investment bankers. “After the massive negative reaction we got when we flew our corporate jets on our first trip to Washington, we realized we could never use them again,” said Richard Wagoner of General Motors. “They were useless to us, and we had to take a great loss on them” said Alan Mulally of Ford, “but we got some money and the jets were the only transportation vehicles that Ford was able to sell this month.”

Chrysler’s jet was purchased by Goldman Sachs who plans to give it as a gift to Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson when he returns to the firm after his term is up in January. “Henry really helped us out,” said Goldman CEO Lloyd C. Blankfein, “we had to do something with all that extra money he got to us, so it’s the least we can do to pay him back. We’ve even added a hot tub and booked several well endowed massage therapists for his maiden voyage.”

Blankfein said he is not worried if the big three automakers fail. “American got along just fine without Packards, Studebakers, Hudsons and Nashes, and will therefore get along fine if there are no Fords, Chevy’s or Chryslers.” Blankfein also said he had no sympathy for all the auto workers who would be out of work as they chose that career. “Hey, nobody put a gun to their head and said, go build a Dodge Ram or else.”

Mulally, who not only sold his jet, but his Ford Escape hybrid, will be bicycling to Washington to continue his talks with Congress to try and get aid for his ailing company. “I want to show we are serious about making changes and sacrifices around Ford,” Mulally said from a Motel 6 in Ashtabula, Ohio after his second day of his bike ride.