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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – For months, President Elect Barack Obama has been ducking the issue of whether he is going to smoke when he is president. “I won’t say anything about not having a cigarette when I am president,” Obama told Tom Brokaw on Meet the Press last Sunday, “but I can say that I will have one smokin’ presidency.”

But Obama’s need for nicotine may have dire consequences for the former Illinois Senator. A powerful group, headed by Philadelphia lawyer, Philip J. Berg has petitioned the Supreme Court to disqualify Obama on the grounds that it is unconstitutional for a president to smoke in the White House now that every area of that building is smoke free. “If Obama cannot legally live in the White House, he cannot legally be president,” Berg said. Justice Clarence Thomas said he is intrigued by that argument and promised that the Court will rule on the case before Inauguration Day.

“What is so disturbing about all this,” said national radio talk show host Michael Weiner, better known as Michael Savage, “is that this affirmative action red diaper doper immigrant loving monster of a presidential imposter, and I am being kind here, is taking over the country in a bloodless coup, puffing like the great Smokey Mountains, blowing the toxic waste in our faces like we are some kind of morons. The nerve of this man knows no bounds. But we all know nicotine is the gateway drug to crack cocaine. I tell you this people, and mark my words, that this man will sell our nuclear secrets to Iran for his next fix.”

“What Americans want to know is if Obama ever bummed a cigarette off of William Ayers,” said Sean Hannity. “Now why isn’t the press investigating this?” “The liberal media is trying to hide just how dangerous Obama’s drug addiction to cigarettes is, my friends,” said Rush Limbaugh. “I can see it now. Obama gets that call at 3 a.m. that Iran has attacked the United States with more bombs on the way and Obama is asked what we should do and he’ll say, ‘just wait fellahs until I finish my cigarette.’”

“He has shown us that he has a dangerous addictive personality,” said Bill Bennett. “Cigarettes are the hardest habit to break, not like an easy addiction to get rid of, like, oh, let’s say gambling. Why, I’ll bet you ten to one that Obama gets burned by his cigarette habit.”

“I never touchicated them cigarettes when I was young and in my youth,” said President Bush. “Getting hooked on cigarettes, beer and cocaine can disqualify you from becoming president, if you don’t have the right daddy, of course”


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