WINEHOUSE, LIMBAUGH AND RICHARDS VIE FOR OBAMA DRUG CZAR POST
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – Since its inception 1982, there has never been such a competition for the position of American drug czar as the one that is shaping up today. Sources close to President Elect Obama say it is neck and neck between singer Amy Winehouse, Rolling Stone Keith Richards and talk show host Rush Limbaugh. “This is a three-way horse race,” said veteran Washington observer Wayne Norton, “and all I can say is that someone better check those horses’ urine.”

The fact that there is no legal requirement that the drug czar be an American has opened the door for the two British citizens. “This is a hard decision as these three candidates have such good credentials when it comes to knowing about drugs,” said Obama spokesman Kendall Griffin, “Winehouse knows all about taking the most amount of drugs in the shortest time, Limbaugh knows about denial and the hypocrisy that drug usage can cause, and Keith Richards knows all about survival, because his drug usage should have killed him by 1964. I suspect,” concluded Griffin, “that the drug czar position will go to the one who is most likely to help Barack break his smoking habit.”

Winehouse said she was thrilled to learn that if she takes a government job it means that she won’t have to show up to work on time or sober. Limbaugh was excited to learn that if he gets the job, he can access the mother of all doctor lists, and Keith Richards said he had written a few lines of for his acceptance speech, but unfortunately snorted them by mistake.”