DEVIL SELLS SOUL TO CHENEY
By R J Shulman

MIDDLE EARTH – (PTSD News) – In a surprise hostile takeover, Vice President Dick Cheney has acquired the soul of Satan himself. “It was a matter of brilliant timing,” Cheney said. “My oil and Halliburton profits were at an all time high and Beelzebub was distracted with trying to get Obama to make a mistake.”

“I was feeling pretty full of myself when I got Obama to pick Reverend Rick Warren to give an anti-gay invocation at the inauguration,” the Devil said, “Cheney snuck in and made an offer for my soul that I couldn’t resist. I may be the Price of Darkness, but Dickie boy, you are the King.”

“There is good news and bad news about this,” said Cardinal Mulcahey, “The bad news is that the Church is now going to have to reprint all of our school books to depict Satan as Dick Cheney instead of the old horned one. The good news is that we have a better chance to scare kids straight as Dick Cheney is the much scarier of the two.”


“I am pleased with this turn of events,” Cheney said. “because now anyone who disagrees with me or makes me cross will have hell to pay.” Apparently, the deal has transferred all souls previously owned by Satan to Cheney. “This is going to be a very frightening turn of event for people who sold their soul to Satan and now have to deal with Cheney instead.