GOVERNMENT TO BAIL OUT MADOFF
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – Congress today passed an emergency bailout bill to give $50 Billion to troubled Wall Street money manager Bernard L. Madoff. “He was just too big to fail,” said Republican Mitch McConnell, “I am sure glad we were able to stop the auto industry cry babies from taking the money we needed to hand to Mr. Madoff.”

“It would be a real disaster for this country if Mr. Madoff found himself a little short of cash and was unable to buy fuel for his private jet,” said Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson. Madoff is charged with running a giant Ponzi scheme that cost some of the worlds richest to suffer huge losses. President Bush is expected to sign the bill along with a pardon for Mr. Madoff.