BUSH PROVES TO BE UNITER: JUST ABOUT EVERYONE WANTS HIM GONE
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – Making good on his promise to bring people together rather than tear them apart, President Bush has united people in an unprecedented fashion according to a new poll which shows that 76% of Americans and 98% of the rest of the world will be happy to see him leave office. “I always knew I was a unitifyer and not a dividicator,” Bush said upon learning of the new poll results.

“These numbers are astounding,” said pollster John Zogby,” as the previous most unifying force in history was the fall of the iron curtain, which drew 90% support of the world.” “Even more amazing is that people said that not only would the end to Bush’s presidency be the greatest thing since sliced bread, but 88% would give up all the bread ever sliced if it would get Bush out of office even one day sooner.”

“When it comes to Muslims, Jews and Christians agreeing on anything,” said Sam Molina, a senior analyst for ABC-TV News, “I have never seen so much agreement that Bush leaving office would be good for their respective religions. Bush’s ability to bring people together in agreement is nothing short of astounding,” Molina said. “Apparently he was able to achieved this during his two terms with such tactics as calling the attack of 9-11 a showing of his great ability to protect America, by telling Brownie he was doing a heck of a job while New Orleans drowned, and by saying that freedom was on the march as he shredded the Bill of Rights. This was pure genius, a complete tour de farce, if you will as after almost eight years of this insanity, conservatives, liberals, straights, gays, southerners, and northerners all want Bush out of Washington faster than that famous speeding bullet.”