THE LEAVE NO BECK BEHIND STANDARDIZED TEST

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - President Bush once asked, "is our children learning?" He answered it with the unfunded, No Child Left Behind Program (certainly not leaving behind his Colorado Savings debacle brother Neil who now makes money off of selling tests to unsuspecting schools). Certainly, there seemes to be a big learning gap in America as evidenced by the fact that anyone would turn out at a rally put together by Rhodes Scholars Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin thinking they could actually learn something from those two.

But it happened, Beckapalooza or BeckDrek as some called it, witnessed born again Mormon Beck say how we need to take America back and bring honor back to the Red White and Blue.

But did the attending masses really learn anything? To answer this burning question, the Post Times Sun Dispatch has developed the followng multiple choice questionnaire to see how much progress the Take America Back and Bring Back Honor attendees made.

1) Who is supposed to be taking back America?

a) White racists

b) White people fearful of Blacks, Hispanics, and non-Christians becoming part of the American dream

c) White homophobes

d) White people afraid they may lose their perceived birth right to gloat over anyone not fortunate enough to be born white

e) White people angry that some people of color are doing better than they are

f) All of the above

2) Who are they taking the country back from?

a) People of color who are just starting to become part of the American dream

b) A black usurper in the White House

c) A Muslim in the White House

d) Hispanics who are just starting to become part of the American dream

e) Non-Christians or the wrong kind of Christians who are starting to become part of the American dream

f) All of the Above

3) Restoring honor is restoring honor to whom?

a) People who believe the civil rights movement had nothing to do with race, color, or gender, but character, meaning white Christian character

b) People who want to return to states rights Jim Crow segregation where it was easy to know where everyone belonged

c) White people who want to use the N-word

d) People who openly hate people who are different than they are

e) People who have been disgraced by their hatred and biggotry and have been forced against their will to be "politically correct"

f) All of the above

4) Who are they going to have to take honor from to give it back to themselves?

a) Blacks

b) Hispanics

c) Muslims

d) Gays

e) women who don't know the score like Sarah Palin does

f) All of the above

5) What are the American values we need to return to?

a) Hatred

b) Fear

c) Bullying

d) Disdain and Disgust towards those less fortunate

e) Biggotry and intolerance

f) All of the above

6) What you miss most about Amerca's past that you want to return to?

a) Beating up immigrants

b) Beating up Gays

c) Burning down a black church

d) Laughing at the less fortunate

e) Using glorious words like w*p, k*ke, n*gger, f*g to get a point across

f) All of the above

In case you were too busy making a sign that read "Obama is a Muslin" or trying to figure out which communist nazi Obama is most like and missed your civics lesson, the correct answer for the Beck Palin Gang is "f" - as is getting an "F" in being a decent human being.

This would be funny, like a scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High or Animal House, but while we are chuckling, this group of people who espose everything our founding fathers (not to mention the prophets, like Jesus, Moses, Mohammed, and Buddha) warned us against, will indeed take back America, take it back to 1775.

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